Jalen Rose and Bill Simmons rips Bobcats.

 

As part of their preseason NBA preview, the Bobcats rank 26th on their hit list.  Here’s a quick summation:  MJ is the worst owner of all time and a terrible evaluator of talent (not true at all), Al Jefferson was a good signing (probably wrong), Cody Zeller looks really good and might win ROY (probably very wrong), Kemba is the only other decent player on the roster and will be a good 2nd/3rd PG on a playoff team one day (a vast underestimation), and Jalen Rose will get engaged before the Bobcats make the playoffs again (if they continue to blow draft picks and overpay guys like Jefferson, they might be right).  Oh and MKG has no offense at all (not true, his J is just terrible but not as bad as they say it is).  

This vid was probably as informative as the “contents are hot” description written on cups of McDonald’s coffee.  If you followed the NBA at all and play some 2K you could have easily come up with the same “insights” as these two hacks.  

—————————————————————————–

I’m probably not going to finish the NBA preview, but I might.  I’ve gotten really lazy.  There, I said it.  

NBA: Sizing up the Competition – Northwest edition

PART 11 OF 30

The Minnesota Timberwolves:

PG:  Ricky Rubio|JJ Barea|Lorenzo Brown

SG:  Kevin Martin|Alexey Shved|Shabazz Muhammad

SF:  Chase Budinger|Corey Brewer|Dante Cunningham

PF:  Kevin Love|Derrick Williams|Chris Johnson

C:  Nikola Pekovich|Ronny Turiaf|Gorgui Dieng

This is a very slept-on team. If everybody stays healthy and the youngins tap into their potential (Rubio, Williams, Muhammad, etc) this could be a team nobody wants to face in the first round of the playoffs.  They finally addressed their anemic SG spot with Kevin Martin, resigned the hulking Pekovic to a decent contract and get a (knock on wood) healthy Kevin Love back.  Coached by Rick Adelman, you know this will be a fun team to watch.  Also b/c they’re coached by the sea captain, they’ll probably underachieve if they make the playoffs.  

Bottom Line:  Hot or cold, this team should at the very least get some regular run on your NBA League Pass viewing.  I’m buying their chances at making the playoffs, they can’t be injured all the time.

PART 12 OF 30

The Denver Nuggets:

PG:  Ty Lawson|Andre Miller|Nate Robinson

SG:  Randy Foye|Evan Fournier|Jordan Hamilton

SF:  Danilo Galinari|Wilson Chandler|Quincy Miller

PF:  Kenneth Faried|JJ Hickson|Darrel Arthur|Anthony Randolph

C:  JaVale McGee|Timofey Mozgov

New head coach Brian Shaw gets to put his money where his mouth is on the NBA’s mile high team.  Some key departures in Iguodala and Koufos leave the team in a bit of roster imbalance.  SG looks pretty weak, with pint sized gunners Robinson and Foye probably spending a good deal of time there.  They’re loaded with natural SFs and can throw out some potent small ball lineups by moving Chandler to the 4, a tried-and-true strategy for Denver teams thanks to the elevation.  However, Shaw is pigeonholed as a Triangle disciple so we’ll see how much running the Nugs actually do.  McGee, paid like a starter, probably starts again which if his days in Washington are any indication will be an experiment.

Bottom Line:  Still a lot of talent left but rookie head coach Shaw is going to have to be creative with lineups and hope the team gels in order to be a surefire playoff team.  They’ll be in the mix for the last few berths all season long, most likely.

PART 13 OF 30

The Oklahoma City Thunder:

PG:  Russell Westbrook|Reggie Jackson|Derek Fisher

SG:  Thabo Sefolosha|Jeremy Lamb|DeAndre Liggins

SF:  Kevin Durant|Ryan Gomes|Perry Jones III|Andre Roberson

PF:  Serge Ibaka|Nick Collison|Daniel Orton

C:  Kendrick Perkins|Hasheem Thabeet|Steven Adams

This team looked really one-dimensional when fifth Ninja Turtle Westbrook went down, like really unimpressive.  As great as Durant is, he was carrying a lot of dead weight.  Chief among them is Perkins, but talent wise I’m not sure how well OKC measures up with WC rivals after the big 2 of RW and KD.  They did a solid job of making the best out of a bad draft by picking up potential man-beast Steven Adams and Spanish sharpshooter Alex Abrines, the latter of which I wouldn’t be surprised to see come over right away instead of being stashed in Europe.  Reggie Jackson is a killer, do not be mistaken.  He was a terror for Boston College and he’ll fill those big shoes left by Harden (and Kevin Martin) pretty nicely.  It’s not a like-for-like swap but about as good a plan B as you can get.  And if Lamb and PJIII start to shine, it will take a lot of weight off of Durant’s slender shoulders.  

Bottom Line:  Still among the West’s elite, but a coaching change or some roster tweaking might be needed to improve their chances of taking that final step.  

PART 14 OF 30

The Portland Trailblazers:

PG:  Damian Lillard|Mo Williams|Earl Watson

SG:  Wesley Matthews|CJ McCollum|Will Barton|Terrel Harris

SF:  Nic Batum|Victor Claver|Dorell Wright|Allen Crabbe

PF:  LaMarcus Aldridge|Thomas Robinson|Joel Freeland

C:  Robin Lopez|Meyers Leonard

How many combo guards does Portland need?  I’m not sure Lillard is a pure point, I’m pretty certain rookie McCollum isn’t, and everybody knows what Mo Williams wants to do:  Get buckets.  I thought they drafted well though, and I’m high on their young guys.  I’m not sure Robinson is going to escape that bust label and I’m definitely skeptical of Encino Man being their answer as the enforcing center desperately needed beside LMA.  There’s still some serious depth issues and I’m not sure coaching and chemistry is there either.  

Bottom Line:  This is a borderline playoff team, especially if Damian Lillard hits a sophomore slump.

PART 15 OF 30

The Utah Jazz:

PG:  Trey Burke|Alec Burks|John Lucas|Ian Clark

SG:  Gordon Hayward|Brandon Rush|Jerel McNeal

SF:  Marvin Williams|Richard Jefferson|Jeremy Evans

PF:  Derrick Favors|Andris Biedrins

C:  Enes Kanter|Rudy Gobert

Wow, is there ever some horrendous depth here.  Rookie point guard is thrown into the fire after looking terrible in Summer League and the young big duo of Favors and Kanter are also in “show us whatcha got” mode after Utah let Milsap and Jefferson walk in free agency.  They got sidled with all of Golden State’s rubbish in Richard Jefferson, Biedrins, and oft-injured Brandon Rush.  Hopefully the latter and Marvin Williams show up this year or Utah’s wings will be as threatening as a Mormon on caffeine.  Coach Ty Corbin hasn’t done much but increase his critics either with a penchant for bizarre rotations.  The funny thing is, if Kanters and Favors are anywhere close to being as good as they ought to be, the Jazz might be playing for the 8th seed.  

Bottom Line:  Way too much youth and inexperience, plus bad depth to seriously consider them making the playoffs but I do not think they are as bad as they look on paper.  

NBA: Sizing Up the Competition (Southwest Division)

PART 6 OF 30

The Dallas Mavericks:

PG:  Jose Calderon|Shane Larkin|Gal Mekel

SG:  Monta Ellis|Devin Harris|Wayne Ellington|Ricky Ledo

SF:  Vince Carter|Shawn Marion|Jae Crowder

PF:  Dirk Nowitzki|DeJuan Blair|Brandan Wright

C:  Samuel Dalembert|Bernard James

This is what your roster looks like when strike out several times on your intended FA targets and end up going with plan Ds and Fs.  You panic, your palms get sweaty, you throw way too much money at an aging Spanish PG, all tell-tale signs of a rushed free agency.  Dirk’s not getting any younger and that window is closing faster than a Nazi themed fro-yo restaurant in Germany.  So the Mavs went out and acquired a slew of vets with obvious warts and hope that they gel into something capable of making the playoffs.  Key acquisition Ellis has enough young legs to compensate for Dirk, VC and the Matrix’s aged getaway sticks.  Dalembert never passes and his defense is suspect but he can protect the rim.  Calderon can takeover that “incredibly slow and old PG” role that worked so well for them when JKidd was there.  DeJaun Blair and his lack of ACLs gives them a big body that can board.  Remember Devin Harris?  He’s here, for better or worse.  The young guys are led by mini-Manimal Jae Crowder (hard not to love this guy) and rookies Shane Larkin and Ricky Ledo, both of which may not see much time this year (injury, depth).

 

Bottom Line:  Rick Carlisle, Nowitzki and the NBA’s version of the Expendables attempt to prove the haters and youngbloods wrong by making the playoffs.  If they stay healthy (big if), they just might.

 

PART 7 OF 30

The Houston Rockets:

PG:  Jeremy Lin|Patrick Beverly|Aaron Brooks

SG:  James Harden|Isaiah Canaan|Reggie Williams

SF:  Chandler Parsons|Francisco Garcia|Omri Casspi

PF:  Dwight Howard|Donatas Motiejunas|Terrence Jones|Greg Smith

C:  Omer Asik|Marcus Camby

I hope GM Daryl Morey likes waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night because the Dwightmare is now his.  Serves him right in my opinion, the way he’s been running the team, I’m surprised that the players will have names on their jerseys and not bar codes.  Enough of that, let’s see here.  Overrated PG, ball-dominant SG, white guy with nice hair at the 3, and arguably the NBA’s best big man (sad, I know) and Judge Reinhold’s Turkish brother in the post.  Yeah, go ahead and pencil them into the 2nd round of the playoffs.

Bottom Line:  Not too young, not too old, good depth at most positions and enough chattel  ahem, assets to trade and rework as they go.  Playoffs or die.

PART 8 OF 30

The Memphis Grizzlies:

PG:  Mike Conley|Nick Calathes

SG:  Tony Allen|Jerryd Bayless|Jamaal Franklin

SF:  Tayshaun Prince|Quincy Pondexter|Mike Miller

PF:  Zach Randolph|Ed Davis|Willie Reed

C:  Marc Gasol|Kosta Koufos|Jon Leuer

Damn this team is constructed old school style.  If at least one of these guys isn’t rocking some rec specs next year, color me surprised (what color is that anyway?)  They even have a guy called Willie Reed who sounds like every role player from the 60s-80s.  I really like this team except for the aging wings of Prince and Miller.  Tony Allen is a ‘g’ but he ain’t getting any younger either.  But when you can throw the ball into Z-Bo and Gasol how much do you have to run, really?

Bottom line:  Very good chance they grind their way to the WCFs.

PART 9 OF 30

The New Orleans Pelicans:

PG:  Jrue Holiday|Austin Rivers|Brian Roberts

SG:  Eric Gordon|Tyreke Evans|Anthony Morrow

SF:  Al-Farouq Aminu|Lance Thomas|Darius Miller

PF:  Anthony Davis|Ryan Anderson|Jason Smith

C:  Greg Stiemsma|Jeff Withey

This kind of looks like a roster assembled by a teenager in NBA 2K’s franchise mode.  So many athletes with unfulfilled potential.  So many question marks surrounding this team.  Is Eric Gordon healthy/happy/traded/tv’s Webster on steroids?  Can Tyreke Evans figure out his position now that he’s out of the Twilight Zone that is the Kings?  Is Jrue Holiday worth trading away Noel and a 1st rd pick?  Did they name the team the Pelicans to distract people from these earlier questions?  Who knows?  All I know is that I haven’t seen a collection of white seven footers this impressive since the Utah Jazz of the 90s.  

Bottom Line:  Some people have the Pellies flying into the playoffs.  I have them divebombing the surf during low tide.  Too young, too inexperienced and not enough depth.

PART 10 OF 30

The San Antonio Spurs:

PG:  Tony Parker|Cory Joseph|Nando De Colo|Patty Mills

SG:  Danny Green|Manu Ginobili|Marco Belinelli

SF:  Kawhi Leonard|Livio Jean-Charles|DeShaun Thomas

PF:  Tim Duncan|Matt Bonner|Jeff Pendergraph

C:  Tiago Splitter|Boris Diaw|Aron Baynes

Blah blah blah, they’re getting too old, yada yada yada Greg Popovich is the best coach in the NBA…  

Bottom Line:  Those Spurs haven’t rusted completely yet.  

James Southerland invited to Training Camp

Here’s a great blurb about the 6’8″ wing from Syracuse:

As a Cuse fan, Southerland is very one-dimensional. He can shoot, and even his shot is super streaky. He’s athletic enough to be one of the best pre-game dunkers on the team, but he doesn’t really use it in games; largely due to his complete inability to handle the ball even a little bit. Hard to project defense for Cuse prospects, but I’d be surprised if he’s quick enough to defend NBA players on the perimeter, and he’s definitely too weak to play inside. His only hope IMO is to get strong and eventually become a stretch 4. Otherwise, I’d be surprised if he ever amounts to more of an NBA player than Kris Joseph (and obviously calling Joseph an NBA player at this point is a stretch).

http://forums.realgm.com/boards/viewtopic.php?f=53&t=1271222&p=36887150#p36887150

Related articles

• James Southerland gets a training camp invite from the Bobcats (probasketballtalk.nbcsports.com)

Fake Interview Friday!

Me:  Today’s interview is with Charlotte Bobcat’s President of Basketball Operations, Rod Higgins.  Welcome to Bobcatatonic, thanks for coming in.

Rod:  Absolutely, glad to be here.

Me:  Right off the bat, what exactly does a President of Basketball Ops do?

Rod:  I handle all the behind the scenes work that goes into making sure a basketball franchise runs smoothly.  (General Manager) Rich Cho and I work together to acquire the right personnel to make us a success, make sure MJ’s money is spent wisely, stuff like that.

Me:  Haven’t the Bobcats been fairly terrible since you’ve been GM and now POI?  What’s one move you’ve made that actually worked out?

Rod:  (Chuckles)  Well, being an NBA GM is a lot of trial and error and a whole lotta luck.  I oversaw the most successful team in Bobcats’ history and one move that I’m proud of was bringing Jason Richardson here from the Warriors.

Me:  J-Rich kind of sucked for us and cost us a high draft pick, didn’t he?

Rod:  Well, to be fair we traded draft pick Brandan Wright for him and that guy sucked.  If we hadn’t have traded for Richardson we probably would have blown our draft pick anyway plus he gave us an established player that we were able to build off of later.

Me:  I guess that’s one way to look at it.  Your son, Cory, played for the ‘Cats for a couple of years.  Doesn’t that just scream “nepotism?”

Rod:  Cory had an excellent career at the University of Colorado and really filled a position of need at the time, giving us some depth in the backcourt.  

Me:  What depth?  We had the worst team in history!  Why didn’t we use that last roster spot trying out D-league players and looking for a diamond in the rough?

Rod:  That would have involved MJ signing a lot more checks and frankly I don’t think anybody would have helped Charlotte more than Cory did.  That boy take after his old man.

Me:  Doesn’t that send a bad message to the fans?  That you’re not going to spend peanuts to comb the D-League for players and just settle for Lil Higgins?

Rod:  What fans?

Me:  Touché, Rod.  You win that round.  You went to Fresno State, ever chase anybody with a samurai sword?

Rod:  Goodness no, the only thing I’m liable to chase someone with is the Good Book.

Me:  What was it like playing for the Tampa Bay Thrillers in the CBA?

Rod:  Thrilling.

Me:  How so?

Rod:  Whole lotta strip clubs in Tampa, God have mercy.

Me:  Well, on that bombshell I’d say that about wraps it up.  Thanks again, Rod.  Anything else you’d like people to know?

Rod:  I’d be very gracious if you stop telling people that I keep sandwiches in my desk.  I only do that once a week or so.  

Me:  Brilliant.  Don’t worry Rod, nobody reads what I write anyway.  

PART 4 OF 30

The Golden State Warriors:

PG:  Stephen Curry|Toney Douglas

SG:  Klay Thompson|Kent Bazemore|Nemanja Nedovich

SF:  Andre Iguodala|Harrison Barnes|Draymond Green

PF:  David Lee|Marreese Speights

C:  Andrew Bogut|Jermaine O’Neal|Festus Ezeli

They’ve added All-Star Iguodala to the mix, giving the Dubs a boost defensively and efficiently.  I don’t think Douglas can replace Jarrett Jack’s leadership role and I’m not crazy about demoting Barnes to the bench.   Iggy was added for one thing only, postseason defense, because Curry and Thompson shooting the lights out can only take you so far if you can’t stop anybody on the other end.  I think the bench took a definitive step  backwards because they are clearly banking on these being healthy but history shouldn’t be ignored, this roster is a Who’s Who of injury prone guys.  Curry, Lee, Bogut, O’Neal are all capable of spontaneous joint implosion and I don’t trust any guys behind them to really pick up the slack.

Bottom line:  Will tear through the regular season, possibly winning the division but will only make noise in the playoffs if they stay healthy.

PART 5 OF 30

Los Angeles Clippers:

PG:  Chris Paul|Darren Collison|Malik Wayns

SG:  J.J. Reddick|Jamal Crawford|Willie Green

SF:  Jared Dudley|Matt Barnes|Reggie Bullock

PF:  Blake Griffin|Byron Mullens

C:  DeAndre Jordan|Ryan Hollins

Charles Barkley said last year that when the Clippers played well, Paul got the credit but when they played like crap, Vinny Del Negro got the blame.  Now that they no longer have VDN to kick around, if the Clips fail to reach expectations will new coach Doc Rivers get the blame?  Nope, he’s the media’s darling just as much as CP3 is so the new NBAPA prez better be on notice.  If the Clip’s sails get shot out during the playoffs again then Paul will hopefully get the blame he deserves.  He has a reputation of making his teammates magically better but a history of disappointing postseason play and his whole career he’s pointed fingers at everyone but him.  He’s running out of fingers.  Lob City went out and got some substance to go with their style in Reddick and the super serviceable Jared Dudley.  Underrated pick Reggie Bullock is another well-rounded, level-headed player that LA’s other team desperately needed.  The real problem lies in the frontcourt.  Blake Griffin is actually getting worse as his postgame continues to stagnate.  Jordan is not a bad player but he’s paid a lot of money to finish Oops and brick free throws.  Mullens finally gets a decent coach and a chance for minutes, this is feast or famine time for him.

Bottom line:  They’re just too shallow in the frontcourt to not end up being the Grizzlies’ bitch again.  I actually would not be surprised if this team misses the playoffs.  They definitely have the talent to breeze through the regular season but they’re injuries and chemistry problems away from self-destructing.

NBA: Sizing Up the Competition

Since it’s August, the dullest month of the NBA calender, I am going to do a brief rundown of every team’s offseason moves, roster, and outlook.  Because predicting how many wins a team is going to get is borderline idiotic, I’m going to submit a “what is my gut saying about this team” kind of final verdict instead.  So without further ado…

PART 1 OF 30

The Sacramento Kings:

Projected starters/depth chart:

PG: Greivis Vasquez|Isaiah Thomas|Ray MacCallum

SG:  Marcus Thornton|Ben McLemore|Jimmer Fredette

SF:  John Salmons|Luc Richard Mbah a Moute|Travis Outlaw|

PF:  Jason Thompson|Carl Landry|Chuck Hayes

C:  DeMarcus Cousins|Patrick Patterson

Longtime Assistant Coach in ascendance Mike Malone (that guy that actually does the coaching on Mark Jackson’s Warriors) finally takes the head coach plunge and decides to dive into Sacto’s royal purple murky waters of ill-fitting pieces and talented but temperamental stars.  New owners, a new highly touted draft pick and plans for a new arena can only cover the rank smell of this roster with new car smell for only so long.  Everyone is basically up for trade at this point so this roster is subject to change without a moment’s notice.   Cousins is batshit crazy.  That’s really all that needs to be said at this point.  The guards look to be shaping into something respectable, with oft underrated new acquisition Vasquez as the presumed starter, kicking Isaiah Thomas into the 6th man spark plug role his diminutive size and change of pace speed is well-suited.   Draft picks Ben McLemore and MacCallum both look like great value picks at this point, a rarity for the recent Kings.  They have a plethora of serviceable PFs.  They are, however, still the Kings and plagued with overpaid chucker Thornton and worthless bench players like Outlaw and so far the Jimmer.

Bottom line:  Decidedly playing for ping pong balls as usual but at least the future doesn’t look as dim as winter in Norway.

PART 2 OF 30

Phoenix Suns:

PG:  Eric Bledsoe|Goran Dragic|Kendall Marshall

SG:  Shannon Brown|Malcolm Lee|Gerald Green|Archie Goodwin

SF:  Caron Butler|Marcus Morris|Michael Beasley

PF:  Markieff Morris| Miles Plumlee

C:  Marcin Gortat|Channing Frye|Alex Len

The Suns are probably the recipient of the “Friends don’t let friends GM teams drunk” award.  Let’s look at the positives:  They have 2 decent point guards and one of the league’s more underrated centers.  Markieff Morris isn’t terrible and Goodwin could be a diamond in the rough even though he’s rawer than a newborn Big Daddy Kane.  Oh and they have new jerseys, that’s always fun.  But the rest of this roster sucks something fierce.  Marshall is a borderline NBA player, Len’s bones already look like they’re the density of a bird, logjam at point guard, Gortat wants out, and  Super Cool Beas’ feel for the game is about as good as the feel for his own knee.

Bottom line:  This could be the worst team in the NBA.

PART 3 OF 30

The Los Angeles Lakers:

PG:  Steve Nash|Steve Blake|Jordan Farmar

SG:  Kobe Bryant|Nick Young|Jodie Meeks

SF:  Wesley Johnson|Elias Harris

PF:  Pau Gasol|Jordan Hill|Ryan Kelly

C:  Chris Kaman|Robert Sacre

Dwight’s gone, dad has passed, and D’Antoni is still here with the NBA’s version of that bad Tim Allen movie, Wild Hogs.  Kobe is allegedly recovering well from his Achilles tear and the Lakers are quietly assembling a roster better fitted for D’Antoni’s up-tempo style.  Lots of shooters, low-usage dirty work guys like Elias Harris and marquee names.  The problem is that those marquee names are almost like stars of the silent movie era.  They’re dreadfully old.  Nash for example is nearing his 76th year I think.  Gasol doesn’t have Dwight’s prima donna ass clogging the lane anymore but he does have eccentric caveman, Chris Kaman to take ill-advised shots all game.  Wesley Johnson’s deal with the devil to keep a starting spot still seems to be active.  And it’s never a good thing when arguably your best FA signing is bringing back Jordan Farmar.

Bottom line:  Who the hell knows?  This is almost an entire roster of guys with chips on their shoulders.  Like a grizzled former boxing champ, they’ll pummel foes that take them too lightly.   But also, they’ll ultimately get knocked out in the later rounds thanks to Father Time.

Fake Interview Friday!

Today’s interview was with Bobcats’ General Manager, Rich Cho.  Going into the interview I was afraid that I’d need some major uppers to keep me interested because if you’ve ever heard Mr. Cho speak you know he sounds like Office Space’s Bill Lumbergh after too much cough syrup.  Boy, was I in for a surprise…

Cho rushed into the coffee shop with an anxious look on his face.

Me:  What’s the matter?

Cho:  Uh, nothing, probably.  Want to help me out with something right quick?

Me:  Sure.  I don’t even like coffee.

(Cho and I hopped into his convertible Benz and sped away, quickly arriving at a small house in south Charlotte.  After going inside, I was greeted with the form of a young lady lying motionless on the floor).

Me: Uh, Cho, why is there a dead girl on the floor?

Cho:  I gave this model 5 grand to see if she could hyperventilate and make herself pass out.  I’ll be damned if she didn’t pull it off.  I don’t think she’s dead but, uh, do you know CPR?

Me:  I used to.  (Tries to remember the beat to Stayin’ Alive and resuscitates lady back to life.)

Lady:  Wha… what happened?

Cho:  You fainted and I totally do not owe you any money.

Me:  Mr. Cho, I’m a little taken aback by this side of you.

Cho:  Hey, I like to work hard and party harder.  I’m still feeling the copious amount of peyote I did last night.

Me:  Wow, so… basketball?

Cho:  Yeah man, this rebuild is paaaaaaainful.  It was so much easier in OKC.

Me:  What’s been the biggest difference?

Cho:  The Bobcats have no draft luck, at all.  If the Bobcats were playing Russian Roulette with no bullets, they’d still find a way to blow their head off.  Plus, the gears of the front office in OKC ran a lot smoother than here.  Rod (Higgins) is a real monkey wrench sometimes.  

Me:  Interesting, how so?  Also, you probably want to abstain from calling a black person a monkey wrench.

Cho:  (Releases a string of expletives in Burmese)  Yeah, good call, round eye.  Rod is okay but he keeps bringing up these bad trade proposals.  At this point I just cut him off with “No Rod, we’re not interested in anybody on the Warriors.”  He pouts a little, reads his Bible, eats his desk sandwich, then tries to find another job for one of his relatives.  

Me:  Is the nepotism in the Bobcats’ organization as bad as the media portrays?

Cho:  Not really.  Every team has their yes-men and fat worth cutting.  With Charlotte, it’s a little worse because nobody wants to be on (owner Michael) Jordan’s bad side.

Me:  Because he’s the greatest of all time…

Cho:  No!  Because he usually has a HItler mustache!  Even in his commercials he looks like he’s bringing about the Hanes Reich.

Me:  I see what you mean.  There was a rumor before the draft that the front office was divided, with you being the sole Zeller supporter and MJ and co. wanting somebody else, McLemore I think.  You were supposedly on the hot seat for it but with Charlotte taking Zeller I take it those rumors were bunk?

Cho:  There was a grain of truth to it.  My scouting database was heavily in favor of drafting Zeller but MJ thought the other players had more “swag.”  I challenged him to a game of ping-pong with whomever winning getting to draft the guy they wanted.  MJ can’t say no to a challenge so I knew I’d win.  Cho have it all when it comes to table tennis.  

Me:  You still think Zeller was the best player available?  His sophomore year was pretty underwhelming and he plays smaller than a Skynyrd cover band at a black family reunion.

Cho:  (more Burmese swearing)  That draft was terrible.  I took Zeller because I didn’t want to draft any bigs with brittle bones or a shooting guard that could barely dribble.  Zeller was a safe pick and I explored some trade down scenarios to get him but I didn’t want to risk it and end up having to draft that 4th Hanson brother as my consolation prize.  

Me:  Al Jefferson?

Cho:  Rod is in love with him.  He can’t make us any worse, nobody else would play here and if he pads his stats I might be able to flip him for something better since his contract is reasonable.  

Me:  He doesn’t make us good enough to lose that valuable 1st round pick to Chicago this year, does he?  Seems like an odd signing when you want to be really bad with this strong draft coming up.

Cho:  Like I said, our draft luck is terrible so a strong tank is on the back burner for now.  I don’t think Jefferson makes us better, he just makes us look not worse.  We’ll keep that pick if I have to force Coach Clifford to start (Ben) Gordon to do it.  Every team has gotten better, even Philly will probably beat us on their home floor.  We just needed to sign a guy to big money to look like we’re trying to casual fans and also because a roster full of guys on rookie contracts can make it hard to explore certain trades.  Look on the bright side, we could be watching Kris Humphries play for us.

Me:  On that high note I’m going to call it a wrap.  I bid you good day, sir.  

—————————————————————————————————-

Bobcats news:  New assistant coach Bob Beyer got arrested last night for standing up to the cops that were trying to arrest his buddy at a restaurant.  This will probably get swept under the rug and forgotten.  

Helter Zeller

With the Bobcat’s polarizing draft still fresh in our minds (well, as fresh as roadkill that some buzzards are getting leery about) I thought I’d opine.

“With the 4th pick in the 2013 overall draft, the Charlotte Bobcats select…”

Cody Zeller, F/C out of the University of Indiana.

Upon hearing the newest savior of Bobcat’s basketball, the Bobcats’ faithful in TWC Arena promptly did backflips and threw ladies’ underwear onto the stage booed like a mothafucka and threw their hats onto the ground in disgust.  After not looking like hot garbage during Summer League, Zeller doubters are slowly but surely picking up their flat brim Bobcat lids and brushing off the dirt, making sure the sticker isn’t bent.  But should they still be mad?

Absolutely.  There is only two ways this can play out.  Either general manager Rich Cho is a complete genius, the kind of guy that bets “all in” in Texas Hold’em without looking at his pocket cards (he is Asian so stereotypically it’s feasible) and Zeller is a better NBA player than Noel, McLemore, Len, McCollum, Adams, Olynyk, and Muhammad (and the usual guy or two out of nowhere that everybody slept on) OR Rich Cho does not possess Lion-O’s Sword of Omens that gives him “sight beyond sight!” and Zeller is a reach on a player that should have been drafted a few spots lower.  Bobcat superfans are not prepared to entertain the possibility that Cho is not the infallible GM of God’s YMCA team because he is better than Rod Higgins.  Hell, I don’t half blame them, when you’ve been used to a guy crapping the bed every night, you’re willing to overlook the faults of a guy that just piddles on the floor every now and then.

This may be a shock, but, Rich Cho is human.  There, I said it.  How do we know?  Because Rich Cho developed a man-crush on Zeller going back to the Codester’s freshman year at candy cane pants university.  Cho was constantly in Bloomington, Indiana drawing hearts and unicorns around Zeller’s face in his notebook.  Cho purportedly had a similar man-crush on Bismack Biyombo and traded up to 7th pick to get him.   Of all the picks made on Cho’s watch, only Kemba Walker seems like a smart one.  The verdict is extremely out on Biyombo (looking like a reach at 7), Michael Kidd-Gilchrist (picked #2 over Drummond, Barnes, Lillard, and Beal to name a few) and of course now Zeller.  Jeffery Taylor in the 2nd round of 2012’s draft was a solid pick but my grandma could have gotten that one right.

The man-crush on Zeller was a particularly strong one.  Zeller came into his sophomore season as an early pre-season favorite to go #1.  A legit 7 footer that runs the floor well and has good hands and instincts is a no-brainer, especially in a weak draft such as 2013’s.  Then the GaZeller got exposed and was clearly the 2nd best player on his team behind eventual #2 pick Victor Oladipo.  This typically happens to guys returning to college after their stock has nowhere to go but down and scouts get more eyeballs and film on a player to nitpick.  (Marcus Smart, if you’re reading this, you’re a dumbass).  Fair or not, Zeller’s hype train lagged behind newer, shinier trains like Noel, McLemore, Bennett, and others.  Down the draftboard Zeller fell until he landed into the nebulous “Zone of white Centers” (patent pending) where in the mid-lottery Zeller, Olynyk, Len and Adams were all pretty interchangeable depending on fit or need.  Nerlens Noel, a freakishly athletic, defensive monster was a consensus top 2 pick despite an ACL injury, rawness, and weighing as much as a dog’s fart.  Riding alongside him was the breathlessly athletic shooting guard that could actually shoot , Ben McLemore, as a favorite for #1.  Both could be had by Charlotte.  But alas, Cho had to have his graceful Hoosier with Owen Wilson’s nose.

How Bad a Pick Was This?

I’m not going to pretend I’m prescient or omniscient (well, not sober anyway) but the pick is definitely an eyebrow raiser and a serious chink in Cho’s armor in terms of being a good eye for draft worthy basketball talent (Cho is from Myanmar so I think I’m clear to use the word ‘chink.’  Gonna do it anyway because I loves me some alliteration).   Nobody really knows if Zeller is worthy of this pick until he and his cohorts start playing some meaningful games in the NBA.  To say otherwise, well, in the words of Dana Carvey’s impersonation of George H.W. Bush, “I’m not gonna do it.  Not gonna do it, wouldn’t  be prudent at this juncture.”  Zeller has some serious question marks concerning whether his game will translate at the NBA level.  For the most part, these have gone unanswered in Summer League because Zeller played against mostly scrubs that will never sniff meaningful minutes in the NBA.  To his credit, Zeller had a very good SL but you have to remember that guys like Anthony Randolph often look like LeBron 2.0 in these games.  Here’s what everybody wants answered when CZ plays under the bright lights of TWC Arena:

1. Does this stretch 4 ability actually exist? I.e. can he shoot from the perimeter.
2. Can he play “big” like a proper F/C or will he continue to get his shit blocked by positions 2-5 on most nights?
3. Can he beat out the likes of Bismack Biyombo and Josh McRoberts for starter’s minutes?  (Lots of people think this is a given.  Lots of people are wrong)
4. Will he come close at all to reaching those lofty Chris Bosh, LaMarcus Aldridge comparisons?  (I’m going to go ahead and go out on a very sturdy, resolute limb here and say “Hell.  No.”)
5. Will he be able to post up anybody in the NBA with his skinny, Mick Jagger hips?  (Probably give John Henson a run for his money)

We shall see.

Welcome to Bobcatatonic!

Stay tuned for botched blogging as I attempt to pop my blogging cherry.  Don’t worry, I’ll assuredly figure this out before Charlotte’s front office figures out how to draft NBA-caliber players.

My goal with this blog is to discuss the Bobcats without parroting the same, tired opinions you’ll get if you follow the team on various message boards and forums.  The Bobcats have a few nice communities of diehard fans but these are often guilty of a lot of group-think.  This site is my completely biased, unfiltered frankenstein monster.  Even though I love my Bobcats, in my opinion part of being a fan is sparing no punches and being critical when your team is obviously being inept.

 

Bottom line:  If you want to understand the Bobcats intimately and enjoy a superfan making fun of his team mercilessly, this blog is for you.