NBA: Sizing Up the Competition

Since it’s August, the dullest month of the NBA calender, I am going to do a brief rundown of every team’s offseason moves, roster, and outlook.  Because predicting how many wins a team is going to get is borderline idiotic, I’m going to submit a “what is my gut saying about this team” kind of final verdict instead.  So without further ado…

PART 1 OF 30

The Sacramento Kings:

Projected starters/depth chart:

PG: Greivis Vasquez|Isaiah Thomas|Ray MacCallum

SG:  Marcus Thornton|Ben McLemore|Jimmer Fredette

SF:  John Salmons|Luc Richard Mbah a Moute|Travis Outlaw|

PF:  Jason Thompson|Carl Landry|Chuck Hayes

C:  DeMarcus Cousins|Patrick Patterson

Longtime Assistant Coach in ascendance Mike Malone (that guy that actually does the coaching on Mark Jackson’s Warriors) finally takes the head coach plunge and decides to dive into Sacto’s royal purple murky waters of ill-fitting pieces and talented but temperamental stars.  New owners, a new highly touted draft pick and plans for a new arena can only cover the rank smell of this roster with new car smell for only so long.  Everyone is basically up for trade at this point so this roster is subject to change without a moment’s notice.   Cousins is batshit crazy.  That’s really all that needs to be said at this point.  The guards look to be shaping into something respectable, with oft underrated new acquisition Vasquez as the presumed starter, kicking Isaiah Thomas into the 6th man spark plug role his diminutive size and change of pace speed is well-suited.   Draft picks Ben McLemore and MacCallum both look like great value picks at this point, a rarity for the recent Kings.  They have a plethora of serviceable PFs.  They are, however, still the Kings and plagued with overpaid chucker Thornton and worthless bench players like Outlaw and so far the Jimmer.

Bottom line:  Decidedly playing for ping pong balls as usual but at least the future doesn’t look as dim as winter in Norway.

PART 2 OF 30

Phoenix Suns:

PG:  Eric Bledsoe|Goran Dragic|Kendall Marshall

SG:  Shannon Brown|Malcolm Lee|Gerald Green|Archie Goodwin

SF:  Caron Butler|Marcus Morris|Michael Beasley

PF:  Markieff Morris| Miles Plumlee

C:  Marcin Gortat|Channing Frye|Alex Len

The Suns are probably the recipient of the “Friends don’t let friends GM teams drunk” award.  Let’s look at the positives:  They have 2 decent point guards and one of the league’s more underrated centers.  Markieff Morris isn’t terrible and Goodwin could be a diamond in the rough even though he’s rawer than a newborn Big Daddy Kane.  Oh and they have new jerseys, that’s always fun.  But the rest of this roster sucks something fierce.  Marshall is a borderline NBA player, Len’s bones already look like they’re the density of a bird, logjam at point guard, Gortat wants out, and  Super Cool Beas’ feel for the game is about as good as the feel for his own knee.

Bottom line:  This could be the worst team in the NBA.

PART 3 OF 30

The Los Angeles Lakers:

PG:  Steve Nash|Steve Blake|Jordan Farmar

SG:  Kobe Bryant|Nick Young|Jodie Meeks

SF:  Wesley Johnson|Elias Harris

PF:  Pau Gasol|Jordan Hill|Ryan Kelly

C:  Chris Kaman|Robert Sacre

Dwight’s gone, dad has passed, and D’Antoni is still here with the NBA’s version of that bad Tim Allen movie, Wild Hogs.  Kobe is allegedly recovering well from his Achilles tear and the Lakers are quietly assembling a roster better fitted for D’Antoni’s up-tempo style.  Lots of shooters, low-usage dirty work guys like Elias Harris and marquee names.  The problem is that those marquee names are almost like stars of the silent movie era.  They’re dreadfully old.  Nash for example is nearing his 76th year I think.  Gasol doesn’t have Dwight’s prima donna ass clogging the lane anymore but he does have eccentric caveman, Chris Kaman to take ill-advised shots all game.  Wesley Johnson’s deal with the devil to keep a starting spot still seems to be active.  And it’s never a good thing when arguably your best FA signing is bringing back Jordan Farmar.

Bottom line:  Who the hell knows?  This is almost an entire roster of guys with chips on their shoulders.  Like a grizzled former boxing champ, they’ll pummel foes that take them too lightly.   But also, they’ll ultimately get knocked out in the later rounds thanks to Father Time.